Even though I am only 21 years old, I have been through a lot in my life, I have been through a great deal of heartache and emotional and physical pain. I grew up in a Christian home and my home life was great but in school I was bullied, not just by students but by a few teachers as well. My story shows the power of God’s healing, physically, mentally, and spiritually! Now I know this isn't my whole story but just a few events of my life that have shaped me into who I am today. There were many joyous moments and blessings in my life too, like my cousins giving me a car, Tim Tebow tweeting me ;), going to Nicaragua, graduating high school with honors, getting my dream dog, and so much more.
When I was a baby, I would get seizures and when I was around the ages of 18 months to 3 years old, my eyes would be matted shut every day and would bleed. My parents believed that God would heal me and He did!
I was around the age of four when I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I remember sitting in my car seat and asked my mom how do I go to Heaven and she told me that Jesus died for my sins and that I had to ask Him into my heart and so I did.
When I was between the ages of 9-17, I was verbally bullied in school. (Now it wasn't the whole school or class that bully but there were always someone trying to cut me down.). In elementary school, I was often called fat and ugly, and would often be compared to animals that are large in nature, such as, pigs, cows,whales and elephants.
When I was in middle school, the fat jokes continued and I was told that I would never have a boyfriend or husband because I was too ugly. I hated going to school and would often skip class to help my mom who was the president of the school’s PTF (Parent Teacher Fellowship) club. In the middle of the summer right before my 7th grade year, I had foot surgery on both my feet that left me in a wheelchair the rest of the summer. I also spent the next year in physical therapy and the worst part was that my dream of playing on my school’s sport team was crushed. A few years prior, I always envisioned myself playing on a sport’s team. My best friend at the time decided she no longer wanted to be friends and ignored me in school and acted like I never existed. I felt that I could go to no one including the teachers because of lack of trust I had. How was I supposed to go to a teacher when other students were being mean to me when a few particular teachers told other classes about my personal business and feelings? (I am thankful for the teachers who did stand up for me and did believe in me!) I was constantly being made fun of, I just wanted to die. No, I didn’t want to commit suicide but I just didn’t want to wake up because the pain was just far too great. I felt that I had no one to stand up for me when I was in need.
When I entered my freshman year of high school, I had a math teacher that basically told me to forget my dreams (at the time) of becoming a doctor because I didn’t understand the concept of math and science, and he would often make me feel stupid for asking a question on how to work out a math problem. Towards the end of the school year, this teacher was gone for 6-7 weeks and so my science teacher became my math teacher during this time span. My grades were getting higher and I was actually starting to understand the concept of this math. However, I was told this math teacher was coming back and I cried because I feared what might come and that my grades would drop again so my science teacher told me to come to her and she would help. He found out that I was getting tutored by someone else and he yelled at the class accusing one of us of being a manipulator, liar and cheater and a few students yelled that it was me, all because I was searching help.
At the age of 15, I was baptized and decided that no matter what, I was going to live for Christ. My sophomore year was the hardest year of my life. I was elected to be on my high school’s homecoming court and a guy who was also elected shouted out in one of our classes that he didn’t want to walk with me because I was an embarrassment to him, for the remainder of the class, I fought to hold back the tears because I was humiliated and hurt. Why couldn’t someone stand up for me? I would have surely stood up for them if they were the one in pain. Another time, there was a misunderstanding between me and a couple of girls at my school and I did cry before they could explain their reasoning. We got things resolved and then a classmate asked me what was wrong, I told her that I was fine and it was all a misunderstanding but she kept asking and I told her that it was nothing. She went to the girls I had a misunderstanding with to find out what happened and they told her. She came to me after class and said I know what happened and for the next two weeks, every time she saw me she would make a throwing up gesture at me. I was hurt, so that afternoon I packed up everything that was in my locker with no intent of returning to school.
I was home schooled my junior year and although there wasn’t any bullying from classmates, there was still bullying. A family member started all these rumors about my mom to their sweetheart and then she would come to my sister, cousin and I, stating I hope you aren’t like your mother or aunt. When I would defend my mom, she would twist my words to make her look like the victim. My family and I experienced several losses the year I was home schooled as well. 15 people that we knew died in a time period of 16 months, these people included my grandmother, my great-uncle, classmates, and neighbors and other loved ones. The summer between junior and senior year of high school, we drove up to Ohio, to attend my great-uncle’s funeral, and as we were headed back home we witnessed two teens get killed in a horrific car accident.
My senior year of high school seemed to be off to a great start because I wasn’t being bullied! In February, my dad lost his job. He was the only income my family had because my mom was a stay at home mom. It was hard in the beginning but God provided and was faithful each day.
My high school requires the seniors to go on a mission trip, so I was very excited to leave the USA for the first time and to do missions! Although, I did have foot surgery, I still had pain if I walked too long, I couldn’t walk for more than 30 minutes without taking time to sit down or my feet being in excruciating pain. There has been many times that I would have to crawl out of my car to the house because I could not walk. So a day before we left for our senior trip, I received healing for both my feet!, I could walk for miles with no pain! I was having the time of my life in Honduras until half way between the trip, I overhead this guy in my class tell other classmates that he was going to ask me out, so that he would be my first boyfriend, and then he would dump me after we got back in the States. I cried, I could not understand why people disliked me or what made me an easy target. I wasn’t a mean person and if people were to say something nice and genuinely meant it, I would always be trying to find a way to help them or do something kind for them.
My high school requires the seniors to go on a mission trip, so I was very excited to leave the USA for the first time and to do missions! Although, I did have foot surgery, I still had pain if I walked too long, I couldn’t walk for more than 30 minutes without taking time to sit down or my feet being in excruciating pain. There has been many times that I would have to crawl out of my car to the house because I could not walk. So a day before we left for our senior trip, I received healing for both my feet!, I could walk for miles with no pain! I was having the time of my life in Honduras until half way between the trip, I overhead this guy in my class tell other classmates that he was going to ask me out, so that he would be my first boyfriend, and then he would dump me after we got back in the States. I cried, I could not understand why people disliked me or what made me an easy target. I wasn’t a mean person and if people were to say something nice and genuinely meant it, I would always be trying to find a way to help them or do something kind for them.
I applied and was accepted to come to this awesome Christian university that is in my home town, but wasn’t able to come the fall after graduating because I had zero scholarships and grants, and had no way to pay for books or tuitions. The year following graduation was hard and I was depressed, I would sleep for most of the day and stay awake all night. I applied for jobs but never received any calls or I would try to see friends but they were all too busy. Later that year, I decided that I wanted to go on another mission trip because I liked helping others and I liked seeing God working in my own life. So I went with my church to Nicaragua for a week, I knew no one except for a family, whom I kinda knew from school. This trip was life changing! One of the days I was there we were taking a break and doing devotions, when a team member said, if you feel God tugging at your heart to do something, do it. He won't be mad or angry with you if you don't but you would regret or always wonder "what if" I would have done it. So that evening, we were at a park having a concert and I was sitting on the stairs and I felt God telling me to tell this man that I (God) love you. I saw this man and to this day I will never forget what he looks like or what he was wearing. He was about 5'11-6 feet tall, wearing a blue tshirt with gym shorts and a baseball cap, and one of his eyes was droopy and swollen. I sat there and the words "tell him I love him" just grew louder and louder and I began to cry, I whispered God, I don't know Spanish. Thankfully one of my translators and a few team members saw me and asked what's wrong and I said God wants me to tell him I love him but I don't know what to say, so my translator and her friend told them what was supposed to be said and he smiled. After the sermon, the other mission team members and I formed "two human walls" that people could walk through in order to receive prayer. There was a certain man that I think no one who went on that trip will forget. This man had a few mental delays and he wanted Jesus to be Lord of His life and as he was being led between us, he started falling and the next thing I knew I was falling on my knees to catch his head so that he wouldn't hit it on the floor. This man was shaking for a few minutes and then stopped and laid still for awhile. Everyone who was near him laid hands on him, praying for him and that God would use him in many ways, all of us teen girls were crying joyous tears because of how strong we felt the presence of God! In the fall of 2012, I was able to come to this university that I applied to during my senior year of high school. I received scholarships and met new friends. People were reaching out to me! I had professors pour into my life and made be feel wanted and loved. This university has become a healing and restoring place for me. My confidence is going up while my insecurities are going down.
I am not sure of the plans God has for me now, but I do want people to hear my story and realize they are not alone and that somehow something good will come from these heartaches. Do I wish that I went through all that pain? Absolutely not! Yet, I can now see how God can use my story to help make a difference in someone else's life. Every day, God is mending the areas in my life that have been broken and bruised. I can say and do believe that God will take this evil that was plotted against me to make it for His glory and my good. God is my healer. I may never understand in this earthly life why I went through the things I went through but I know that God is mighty and loving and that He does exchange the ashes for beauty, the pain for healing, the hate for love, the brokenness for wholeness, the rejection for acceptance and the bitterness for forgiveness. To those who have hurt me, I want you to know that I do forgive you and if any you who did hurt me regretted what they have done, forgive yourself, because I have and most importantly God has forgiven you too. If I didn’t go through the things that I went through, I don’t think I would have a passion to reach out to those who are hurting. Also I want to say thank you a million times to those who believed in me because without you, I don’t think I would be where I am today. Thank you, God, for trading my sorrows for joy!
